News You Can't Use::
Texas Gov. Greg Abbott to call on Don Quixote to joust with windmills to solve the power outage.
"I'm on the diet where you eat vegetables and drink wine. That's a good diet. I lost 10 pounds and my driver's license."
"I saw a sign one time that said 'hemorrhoids awareness week' at the doctor's office. Let me tell you, if you got hemorrhoids, I'm sure you are aware of it. You don't need a sign to tell anybody about it."
"I had a buddy of mine call up the other day, all upset 'cause he slept with his third cousin. And I'm like, Man, if it upsets you that much, quit countin' them!"
"I'm happier than a tornado in a trailer park."
"Remember, half the people you know are below average."
"He who laughs last, thinks slowest."
- Larry the Cable Guy
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