Funny Monday

JOKE JOKE JOKE JOKE JOKE JOKE JOKE JOKE JOKE JOKE JOKE JOKE JOKE JOKE JOKE JOKE

A man and woman were married for many years.
Whenever there was a confrontation, yelling could be heard deep into the night. The old man would shout, “When I die, I’ll dig my way up and out of the grave and come back and haunt you for the rest of your life!”  Neighbors feared him.
The old man liked the fact he was feared. He died at the ripe old age of 98.
After the burial, her neighbors, concerned for her safety, asked, “Aren’t you afraid that he may indeed be able to dig his way out of the grave and haunt you for the rest of your life?
The wife said, "Let him dig. I had him buried upside down…and I know he won’t ask for directions.”

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Thanks for stopping by “My Quality Time”   Have a great day..

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Friends at a bar .... for “Funny Monday”

Came In an Email.. thanks Charlie…  “Enjoy”

Friends at a bar ....

I pointed to two old drunks across the bar from us and told my friend, "That'll be us in ten years."

He turned to me and said, "That's a mirror, you dumb shit."

Should be good for a “Quality Time” laugh…… Have a great day

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Women will be Women

 A “Quality Time” Laugh

A woman and a man are involved in a car accident.

It’s a bad one. Both of their cars are totally demolished but amazingly neither of them are hurt.

After they crawl out of their cars,

The woman says, “So you’re a man, that’s interesting. I’m a woman. Wow, just look at our cars! There’s nothing left but fortunately we are unhurt. This must be a sign from God

  that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace for the rest of our days.”

The man replied,
“I agree with you completely. This must be a sign from God! “

The woman continued,
“And look at this, here’s another miracle…. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn’t break.

Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune.”

Then she hands the bottle to the man. The man shakes his head in agreement, opens it and drinks half the bottle

  and then hands it back to the woman. The woman takes the bottle, immediately puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the man.

The man asks, “Aren’t you having any?”
The woman replies, “No. I think I’ll just wait for the police”

 Hope everyone has a great day..

 Women will be Women

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Time for a nap..LOL

Confession of an Old Italian Man

Confession of an Old Italian Man a World War II saga……

An elderly Italian man (Agnolo), who lived on the outskirts of Rimini Italy,

went to the local church for confession. When the priest slid open the panel in the confessional,

  the man said, “Father, during World War II, a beautiful Jewish woman from our neighborhood

  knocked urgently on my door and asked me to hide her from the Nazis. So I hid her in my attic.”

The priest replied, “That was a wonderful thing you did, and you have no need to confess that.”

"There is more to tell, Father… she started to repay me with sexual favors. This happened several times a week, and sometimes twice on Sundays."

The priest said, “That was a long time ago and by doing what you did, you placed the two of you in great danger, but two people under those circumstances can succumb to the weakness of the flesh.

However, if you are truly sorry for your actions, you are indeed forgiven.”

"Thank you, Father. That’s a great load off my mind. I do have one more question."

And what is that?” asked the priest.

"Should I tell her the war is over?"

Hope everyone has a great day…..

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Precious Little Girl

 A Quality Time Girl For Sure.

A precious little girl walks into a PetSmart shop and asks,
in the sweetest little lisp, between two missing teeth, "Excuthe me,
mithter, do you keep widdle wabbits?"
As the shopkeeper's heart melts, he gets down on his knees so that
he's on her level and asks, "Do you want a widdle white wabbit,
or a thoft and fuwwy, bwack wabbit, or maybe one like that cute widdle
bwown wabbit over there?"
She, in turn, blushes, rocks on her heels, puts her
hands on her knees, leans forward and says, in a tiny quiet voice,

"I don't think my python weally gives a thit."

  At least it was a wabbit and not a duck…. Have a great day.

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ADVERTISING & MARKETING

"THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN ADVERTISING AND MARKETING!!!"

Let the slideshow begin...

Slide #1: You see a gorgeous lass at a party. You go up to her and say: "I'm a fantastic guy." That's called DIRECT MARKETING.

Slide #2: You're at a party with a bunch of mates and see a gorgeous lass. One of your friends goes up to her and, pointing at you, says: "See yer man there? He's a fantastic guy." Now that's called ADVERTISING.

Slide #3: You see a gorgeous lass at a party. You go up to her and get her telephone number. The next day you call and say: "Hi, I'm a fantastic guy let’s go out." That's called TELEMARKETING.

Slide #4: You're at a party and see a gorgeous lass. You get up and straighten your tie. You walk up to her and pour her a drink. You open the door for her, pick up her bag after she drops it, offer her a lift, and then say: "Oh, by the way, I'm a fantastic gentleman." That's called PUBLIC RELATIONS.

 

Slide #5: Finally, you're at a party and see a gorgeous lass. She walks up to you and says, "I hear you're a really fantastic guy." That's something called BRAND RECOGNITION.

I guess I’ve been talking about myself again.. LOL… Have a great day

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 "THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN ADVERTISING AND MARKETING!!!"