Waiting For President Trump

An American and a Russian are arguing about which country has more freedom. The American says, “I can walk right up to the White House and shout 'Down with Donald Trump!' and nothing bad will happen to me.” The Russian replies, “Guess what? I can walk in front of Kremlin and shout 'Down with Donald Trump!' and nothing will happen to me either.”
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A Russian, a Frenchman and an American argued who was the bravest man. The American said, "For example, we take ten cars of which one has no brakes. We throw dice, each of us gets a car, we drive on a mountain road. Afterwards one of us is in a hospital, and the other nine visit him there."

"That's nothing," the Frenchman said. "We choose ten girls and one of them has AIDS. We throw dice and each one of us gets a girl, and we make love to them throughout the night. Afterwards one of us is in a hospital, and the other nine visit him."

The Russian said, "We gather in an apartment, even though we know that one of us must be an informer. We tell political jokes throughout the night, and then nine are in jail, and one visits the nine there."

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Deep within the woods near Lake Hope State Park, the supposedly haunted Moonville Tunnel is one of the few reminders of the small mining town of Moonville which has otherwise disappeared from the map.

To Much Drinking

A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done. The monsignor replied,
“When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip.”

So next Sunday he took the monsignors advice. At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm. Upon his return to his office after mass, he found the following note on the door: Sip the Vodka, don't gulp. There are 10 commandments, not 12.

1. There are 12 disciples, not 10.
2. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
3. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.
4. We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.
5. The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the Spook.
6. David slew Goliath, he did not kick the shit out of him.
7. When David was hit by a rock and knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ass.
8. We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T"
9. When Jesus broke the bread at the Last Supper he said, "Take this and eat it for it is my body." He did not say "Eat me."
10. The Virgin Mary is not called "Mary with the Cherry."
11. The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A- Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, yeah God.
12. Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St. Peter's, not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's.
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Mohican State Park is a 1,110-acre Ohio state park in Ashland County, Ohio, United States, about 5 miles south of downtown Loudonville. The state park sits on the south shore of Pleasant Hill Lake and is surrounded by the 4,525-acre Mohican-Memorial State Forest.

Arguing With A Woman

During a commercial airline flight an experienced Air Force Pilot was seated next to a young mother with a babe in arms.  When the baby began crying during   the descent for landing, the mother began nursing the infant as discreetly as possible.                                                        

The pilot pretended not to notice, and, upon disembarking, he gallantly                                          offered his assistance to help with the various baby-related items.
When the young mother expressed her gratitude, the pilot responded, "that's a good looking baby, and he sure was hungry!"
Somewhat embarrassed, the mother explained that her pediatrician said that the time spent on the breast would help alleviate the pressure in the baby's ears.
The Air Force Pilot sadly shook his head, and in true pilot fashion exclaimed,
"And all these years, I've been chewing gum." 

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Pastor Goes To Dentist For A Set Of False Teeth

A husband and wife who worked for the circus went to an adoption agency.
The social workers there raised doubts about their suitability.*
The couple then produced photos of their 50-foot motor home, which was
clean and well maintained and equipped with a beautiful nursery.*

*The social workers then raised concerns about the education a child would
 receive while in the couple's care.* *"We've arranged for a full-time tutor who will teach the child all the  usual subjects along with French, Mandarin, and computer skills."* *Then the social workers expressed concern about a child being raised in a circus environment* *Our nanny will be a certified expert in pediatric care, welfare, and diet."* *The social workers were finally satisfied.* *They asked, "What age child are you hoping to adopt?"*

*"It doesn't really matter ... as long as the kid fits in the cannon."*

The Louisville Slugger Museum & Factory, is a museum and factory tour attraction located in Louisville, Kentucky's "Museum Row", part of the West Main District of downtown. The museum showcases the story of Louisville Slugger baseball bats in baseball and in American history.

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for

Only when he's been drinking!'

A police officer pulls over a speeding car. The officer says, "I clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir."

The driver says, "Gee, officer, I had it on cruise control at 60; perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating."

Not looking up from her knitting the wife says: "Now don't be silly dear - you know that this car doesn't have cruise control."

As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks over at his wife and growls,

"Can't you please keep your mouth shut for once ?"

The wife smiles demurely and says, "Well dear, you should be thankful your radar detector went off when it did or your speed would have been higher."

As the officer makes out the second ticket for the illegal radar detector unit, the man glowers at his

wife and says through clenched teeth, "Woman, can't you keep your mouth shut?"

The officer frowns and says, `And I notice that you're not wearing your seat belt, sir. That's an automatic $75 fine.

The driver says, "Yeah, well, you see, officer, I had it on, but I took it off when you pulled me over so that I could get my license out of my back pocket."

The wife says, "Now, dear, you know very well that you didn't have your seat belt on. You never wear your seat belt when you're driving."

And as the police officer is writing out the third ticket , the driver turns to his wife and barks,

`WILL YOU PLEASE SHUT UP?'

The officer looks over at the woman and asks, `Does your husband always talk to you this way, Ma'am? `

(I love this part)

`Only when he's been drinking!' 

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Letter Rip

Three pilots died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates. 'In honor of this holy season' Saint Peter said, 'You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven. 'The Army helicopter pilot thumbed through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. 'It's a candle', he said .'It did make light; you may pass through the pearly
gates' Saint Peter said The Navy C-2 pilot reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, 'They're bells. 'Saint Peter said, 'they had a ring to them, you may pass through the pearly gates'. The Air Force fighter pilot started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women's panties..St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, 'And just what do those symbolize? 'He replied, 'These are Carols.'

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Betrayal

Word For Today:: Definition of betrayal : the act of betraying someone or something or the fact of being betrayed : violation of a person's trust or confidence, of a moral standard, etc. the betrayal of a friend a betrayal of trust a betrayal of one's principles… Even Jesus recognized that there was something paradoxical about his betrayal by Judas Iscariot—in three of the four canonical Gospels, with a kiss.

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Rising park, Mount Pleasant towers nearly 300 feet above the city of Lancaster. The Mount Pleasant overlook gives you outstanding views of the town and the surrounding foothills. This is easily one of the best overlooks in Ohio

None Truly Win Until We All Win

There was a farmer who grew excellent quality corn. Every year he won the award for the best grown corn. One year a newspaper reporter interviewed him and learned something interesting about how he grew it. The reporter discovered that the farmer shared his seed corn with his neighbors. “How can you afford to share your best seed corn with your neighbors when they are entering corn in competition with yours each year?” the reporter asked.

“Why sir,” said the farmer, “Didn’t you know? The wind picks up pollen from the ripening corn and swirls it from field to field. If my neighbors grow inferior corn, cross-pollination will steadily degrade the quality of my corn. If I am to grow good corn, I must help my neighbors grow good corn.”

So is with our lives... Those who want to live meaningfully and well must help enrich the lives of others, for the value of a life is measured by the lives it touches. And those who choose to be happy must help others find happiness, for the welfare of each is bound up with the welfare of all...
-Call it power of collectivity...
-Call it a principle of success...
-Call it a law of life.
The fact is, none of us truly wins, until we all win!!

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Hocking Hills State Park is a state park in the Hocking Hills region of Hocking County, Ohio, United States; in some areas adjoining the Hocking State Forest. Within the park are over 25 miles of hiking trails, rock formations, waterfalls, and recess caves.

Churchill Downs,& A Joke

After 35 years of marriage, a husband and wife came for counseling. When asked what the problem was, the wife went into a tirade listing every problem they had ever had in the years they had been married. On and on she went describing the neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, and her feeling unloved and being unlovable. She set out an entire laundry list of unmet needs she had endured. Finally, the therapist got up, walked around the desk, and after asking the wife to stand, he embraced and kissed her long and passionately as her husband watched. The woman shut up and quietly sat down as though in a daze. The therapist turned to the husband and said, "This is what your wife needs at least 3 times a week. Can you do this?" "Well, I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays, but on Fridays, I play golf."

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Churchill Downs, located on Central Avenue in south Louisville, Kentucky, United States, is a Thoroughbred racetrack most famous for annually hosting the Kentucky Derby. It officially opened in 1875 and was named for Samuel Churchill, whose family was prominent in Kentucky for many years.

Fairfield County Fair & A Couple Jokes

I went to our VFW last night and saw a BIG woman dancing on a table.

I said, "Good legs."

The girl giggled and said, "Do you really think so?"

I said, "Definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by now."

Cost me 6 more stitches, but...

When you’re seventy...............who cares?

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The 169th Fairfield County Fair -- October 6-12, 2019  

LINK OF THE DAY:  https://www.smithsonianmag.com/smart-news/meet-the-money-behind-the-climate-denial-movement-180948204/#WFhLxggHoAt7c01p.99