Texas Gov. Greg Abbott to call on Don Quixote

 News You Can't Use::

Texas Gov. Greg Abbott to call on Don Quixote to joust with windmills to solve the power outage.

"I'm on the diet where you eat vegetables and drink wine. That's a good diet. I lost 10 pounds and my driver's license."

"I saw a sign one time that said 'hemorrhoids awareness week' at the doctor's office. Let me tell you, if you got hemorrhoids, I'm sure you are aware of it. You don't need a sign to tell anybody about it."

"I had a buddy of mine call up the other day, all upset 'cause he slept with his third cousin. And I'm like, Man, if it upsets you that much, quit countin' them!"

"I'm happier than a tornado in a trailer park."

"Remember, half the people you know are below average."

"He who laughs last, thinks slowest."

- Larry the Cable Guy

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That's All Folks J.T.

What Did Eve Say To Adam During The Goodyears (Did She Say It With A Bitch Face)

 Scientists have discovered what causes Resting Bitch Face  ( Never heard of this til today)

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Well it’s cold today. How cold you ask? Colder than a brass toilet seat on the shady side of an iceberg. It’s so cold the dogs are sticking to the fire hydrants. It is so cold that the snowmen are migrating south. Its so cold that I’m using an ice tray as a heating pad. It’s so cold that my heartburn is cured. It is so cold that my kids are telling the most outrageous lies just hoping that their pants will catch on fire.  

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Thats All Folks

“If you lose all hope, you can always find it again.”

"Some idiotic things are well worth doing."

“Your life doesn't mean what you have or what you get. Its what you're willing to give up.”

“Maturity, as I conceived it, was recognizing what was bad or peculiar in life, admitting it has to stay that way, and going ahead with the best of things. ”

“If loneliness is the disease, the story is the cure.”

“Most things don't stay the way they are very long.”

― Richard Ford

Must Have An IQ of at least 140 To View Post

 

Many years ago, the world-famous Italian freediver Enzo Maiorca was diving in the Mediterranean Sea off the coast of his hometown of Syracuse, Sicily.

As he entered the water he felt a dolphin nudging his back. He soon realized the dolphin wasn’t trying to play, but to communicate and solicit his help. Once he had his attention, the dolphin dove down about 12 feet, and Enzo followed. There he saw another dolphin tangled in an abandoned fishing net.

Enzo swam up and called to his daughter Rossana, who was on a nearby boat, for his diving knives. Within a few minutes, the two managed to cut the drowning dolphin free (dolphins can survive under water without air for about 10 minutes) and use their arms as a stretcher to carry the exhausted animal to the surface.

As the dolphin emerged from the water, she let out “almost a human cry,” according to Enzo.

Then came a surprise. The rescued dolphin was actually pregnant... And she gave birth to a calf right then and there, under the watchful eyes of her mate.

“The little one was led to his mama’s nipples by gentle strokes of the adult dolphin’s beak" Enzo recalled. "I like to think that on that day we reunited a family.”

Shortly after the rescue, the male dolphin circled Enzo and Rosanna, “stood” up, and touched Enzo’s cheek with his beak “like a kiss”.

How did Enzo know to follow the dolphin? “I maintain that his brain waves influenced our minds,” he said.

′′Until man learns to respect and to talk to the animal world, he can never know his true role on Earth,” he added

A minister was planning a wedding at the close of the Sunday morning service. After the benediction, he had planned to call the couple down for a brief ceremony in front of the congregation. For the life of him, he couldn't think of the names of those who were to be married.  Will those wanting to get married please come to the front?" he requested. 
Immediately, nine single ladies, six single men, three widows, and four widowers stepped to the front.
today's Thot

Here's to love, the only fire for which there is no insurance.

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Hope you Love The Snow LOL

H

Does It Require Training To Get Old??? & Some Woody

 

"The only thing even in this world is the number of hours in a day. The difference in winning or losing is what you do with those hours."

"There's nothing that cleanses your soul like getting the hell kicked out of you."

"Perfect preparation prevents piss-poor performance."

"Paralyze resistance with persistence."

"You can never really pay back. You can only pay forward."

"The most deceptive course in football is straight at the goalposts."

"Because I couldn't go for three."

-Woody Hayes

That's All Folks.. J.T.

Costco.. Popcorn...The Stables Have Turned

 

PILOT MOUNTAIN S. CAROLINA

“That word is 'willing.' It's an attitude and spirit of cooperation that should permeate our conversations. It's like a palm tree by the ocean that endures the greatest winds because it knows how to gracefully bend. ”

"The only way love can last a lifetime is if it's unconditional. The truth is this: love is not determined by the one being loved but rather by the one choosing to love."

“Almost every sinful action ever committed can be traced back to a selfish motive. It is a trait we hate in other people but justify in ourselves.”

“You must choose to live by encouragement rather than by expectations.”

― Stephen Kendrick

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Hope Everyone Has A Great Day...... J.T.

Pooh Is Going To Gas Up With A Little Pork and Beans LOL & Some Wisdom From Abe.

 

“Folks are usually about as happy as they make their minds up to be.”

“America will never be destroyed from the outside. If we falter and lose our freedoms, it will be because we destroyed ourselves.”

“And in the end it is not the years in your life that count, it's the life in your years.”

“When I do good, I feel good. When I do bad, I feel bad. That's my religion.”

“You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all of the people some of the time, but you can not fool all of the people all of the time.”

“Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man's character, give him power.”

“Whatever you are, be a good one.”

― Abraham Lincoln

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A trucker pulled into a highway café. “I want 3 flat tires, a pair of headlights and a pair of running boards.” The blonde waitress (first day on the job) didn’t want to look stupid in front of the customer, so she went to the kitchen and asked the cook, “This guy just ordered 3 flat tires, a pair of headlights and a pair of running boards. What does he think this place is, an auto parts store?” “No,” the cook replied. “Three flat tires means three pancakes. A pair of headlights means two eggs sunny side up. And a pair of running boards means 2 slices of crisp bacon!” “Oh. Ok!” said the blonde relieved to finally understand the code words. She thought about it for a moment and then spooned up a bowl of beans and gave it to the customer. The trucker asked, “What are the beans for, Blondie?” She replied, “I thought while you were waiting for the flat tires, headlights, and running boards, you might as well gas up!”

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That's All Folks... J.T.