Andy Dufresne: Get busy living or get busy dying. Andy Dufresne: Remember, Red, hope is a good thing. Maybe the best of things and no good thing ever dies. WISDOM JOKES WISDOM JOKES AT MY QUALITY TIME BLOG WISDOM JOKES
Joe gets up at 6 a.m. and fills his coffeepot with water to prepare his morning coffee. The water is clean and good because some tree-hugging liberal fought for minimum water-quality standards. With his first swallow of coffee, he takes his daily medication. His medications are safe to take because some stupid commie liberal fought to insure their safety and that they work as advertised.
All but $10 of his medications are paid for by his employer's medical plan because some liberal union workers fought their employers for paid medical insurance - now Joe gets it too. He prepares his morning breakfast, bacon and eggs. Joe's bacon is safe to eat because some girly-man liberal fought for laws to regulate the meat packing industry.
In the morning shower, Joe reaches for his shampoo. His bottle is properly labeled with each ingredient and its amount in the total contents because some crybaby liberal fought for his right to know what he was putting on his body and how much it contained.
Joe dresses, walks outside and takes a deep breath. The air he breathes is clean because some environmentalist wacko liberal fought for laws to stop industries from polluting our air. Joe begins his work day. He has a good job with medical benefits, retirement, paid holidays and vacation because some lazy liberal union members fought and died for these working standards. Joe's employer pays these standards because Joe's employer doesn't want his employees to call the union.
If Joe is hurt on the job or becomes unemployed, he'll get a worker compensation or unemployment check because some stupid liberal didn't think he should lose his home because of his temporary misfortune.
Its noontime and Joe needs to make a bank deposit so he can pay some bills. Joe's deposit is federally insured by the FSLIC because some godless liberal wanted to protect Joe's money from unscrupulous bankers who ruined the banking system before the Great Depression.
Joe has to pay his Fannie Mae-underwritten mortgage and his below-market federal student loan because some elitist liberal decided that Joe and the government would be better off if he was educated and earned more money over his lifetime.
Joe is home from work. He plans to visit his father this evening at his farm home in the country. He gets in his car for the drive. His car is among the safest in the world because some America-hating liberal fought for car safety standards. He arrives at his boyhood home. His was the third generation to live in the house financed by Farmers' Home Administration because bankers didn't want to make rural loans. The house didn't have electricity until some big-government liberal stuck his nose where it didn't belong and demanded rural electrification.
He is happy to see his father, who is now retired. His father lives on Social Security and a union pension because some wine-drinking, cheese-eating liberal made sure he could take care of himself so Joe wouldn't have to.
Joe gets back in his car for the ride home, and turns on a radio talk show. The radio host keeps saying that liberals are bad and conservatives are good. He doesn't mention that the beloved Republicans have fought against every protection and benefit Joe enjoys throughout his day.
Joe agrees: "We don't need those big-government liberals ruining our lives! After all, I'm a self-made man who believes everyone should take care of themselves, just like I have."
“We are not put on this earth to see through one another. We are put on this earth to see one another through.”
"You must always have great, secret, big fat hopes for yourself in love and in life. The bigger, the better."
"I do take very good care of myself, and I'm always in love. And by that I mean I have an appetite for life. I'm in love with beauty and things and people and love and being in love, and those things I think, on the inside, show on the outside."
"There's a saying I read recently; I painted it on the fireplace and in my studio: 'Be kind to everyone you meet, for everyone is fighting a great battle.' We all are. Everyone."
“I've always believed that one woman's success can only help another woman's success.”
Life in the holler...Little Winters...After the January thaw we are always looking forward to Spring. But here in the country Spring likes to play all kinds of tricks on us. We have what Appalachian folklore calls Little Winters. There is all kinds of good stories, legends, & myths in our folklore about these Little Winters. Along about the last of Feb. or early March we get use to a warm snap. Everything is wanting to bloom, makes us want to put away our winter clothes & Spring hits us with a frost, cold morning mist, & breezes that nips at us. Old timers, like me, knew this was coming & what to look forward too. Every change in the weather & surroundings had a name. Generally on & about a two week period there are some changes, but occasionally they get repeated.
The first Little Winter that comes along is Redbud winter. Mid march to the first of April. Periods of warm spells but still frosty mornings. Redbud trees starting to bloom, pink & red showing everywhere. Daffodils popping up all over. Also known as Apple Blossom winter because the apple trees start showing leaves & hint of blooms. Time to make Redbud jelly. Next comes Locust winter. Early to mid April. Orchards are full in bloom. Peach, pear, cherry, & plum. The locust trees are leaving out & starting to bloom. Warm days, cold nights. Time to plant them taters. Winter number three is Dogwood winter. Mid to late April to first of May. Also known as the Easter Squaw. Dogwood trees blooming, honey bees everywhere. Reminds us of the legend of the Dogwood tree. Still can have a frosty morn. Cold weather plants can be put out, cabbage, onions. Corn has been planted. Next we have Blackberry winter. Early May to mid May. Blackberry bushes blooming telling you that by July when the June bugs are flying you'll be eating blackberry cobbler. Still the threat of frost. Last we have Cotton Britches winter. Also known as Long Britches or Linsey Woolsey Britches winter. Because you are going to have need of them linen wool long johns to sleep in one more cold snap. After all of that if you hear a lonesome whippoorwill back in the holler before the summer solstice best save a log for the fire. It's Whippoorwill winter. Also known as Stump winter because you've burned up all your cut wood & there is nothing left to burn but the stump.
By now it's mid May the holler is green, squirrel nest are no longer setting on bare limbs easy prey for the hawk. There are wasp in the outhouse, hens are lying good again. Plant them matters. Enjoy the warm mornings setting on the porch sipping coffee talk'n to Jesus. Don't just call it Spring, our heritage is too full for that...Hidd'n in the holler...Lame Turtle.
Life In The U.S.A.::: One evening a husband, thinking he was being funny, said to his wife, 'Perhaps we should start washing your clothes in 'Slim Fast'. Maybe it would take a few inches off of your butt!' His wife was not amused, and decided that she simply couldn't let such a comment go unrewarded.The next morning the husband took a pair of underwear out of his drawer. 'What the heck is this?' he said to himself as a little 'dust' cloud appeared when he shook them out .'Cathy', he hollered into the bathroom, 'Why did you put talcum powder in my underwear?' She replied with a snicker. 'It's not talcum powder; it's 'Miracle Grow'!
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly the man realized that the next day he would need his wife to wake him a 5:00 A.M. for an early morning business flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, “Please wake me at 5 A.M.” He left it where he knew she would find it. The next morning the man woke up only to discover that it was 9:00 A.M. and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go see why his wife hadn’t waken him when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, “It 5:00 A.M. Wake up.”
"A monk decides to meditate alone. Away from his monastery, he takes a boat and goes to the middle of the lake, closes his eyes and begins to meditate.
After a few hours of unperturbed silence, he suddenly feels the blow of another boat hitting his.
With his eyes still closed, he feels his anger rising and, when he opens his eyes, he is ready to shout at the boatman who dared to disturb his meditation.
But when he opened his eyes, he saw that it was an empty boat, not tied up, floating in the middle of the lake…
At that moment, the monk achieves self-realization and understands that anger is within him; it simply needs to hit an external object to provoke it.
After that, whenever he meets someone who irritates or provokes his anger, he remembers: “The other person is just an empty boat. Anger is inside me.“
Before he died, Billy Graham was returning to Charlotte after a speaking engagement and when his plane arrived there was a limousine waiting to transport him to his home. As he prepared to get into the limo, he stopped and spoke to the driver .
"You know," he said, "I am 87 years old and I have never driven a limousine. Would you mind if I drove it for a while?"
The driver said, "No problem. Be my guest!" Billy gets into the driver's seat and they head off down the highway. A short distance away sat a rookie State Trooper operating his first speed trap.
The long black limo went by him doing 70 in a 55 mph zone. The trooper pulled out and easily caught the limo and he got out of his patrol car to begin the procedure.
The young trooper walked up to the driver's door and when the glass was rolled down, he was surprised to see who was driving.
He immediately excused himself and went back to his car and called his supervisor. He told the supervisor, "I know we are supposed to enforce the law, but I also know that important people are given certain courtesies. I need to know what I should do because I have stopped a very important person."
The supervisor asked, "Is it the governor?" The young trooper said, "No, he's more important than that." The supervisor said, "Oh, so it's the president." The young trooper said, "No, he's even more important than that."
The supervisor finally asked, "Well then, who is it?"
The young trooper said, "I think it's Jesus, because he's got Billy Graham for a chauffeur!"
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